


clay and his artistic process

by iuvoratory



Series: dream team oneshots [3]
Category: Dreamwastaken, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Author Projecting onto Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream is Called Clay (Video Blogging RPF), Dysphoria, For the most part, Gen, I think that's it? - Freeform, Implied Body Dysmorphia, Mentioned Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Character, Trans Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), implied disordered eating, implied nonbinary dream, lol, they're both pretty minor, this was a vent fic of sorts idk, tommy more so, well he's technically referred to with pronouns rather than his name for most of it but yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:54:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29890398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iuvoratory/pseuds/iuvoratory
Summary: in which the 'c' in clay does not stand for 'cisgender' by any means.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: dream team oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018177
Comments: 2
Kudos: 78





	clay and his artistic process

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am not dead i am just bad at writing
> 
> hopefully i'll be able to put out another dreamnap soon but genshin impact has taken over my life lol (also i've hyperfixated on another dream ship so uh. lol)
> 
> anyway! was feeling Bad Feelings so i decided to do what i do best and projected onto my favourite people lol
> 
> ummm pls read the tags before continuing bc there's potentially triggering material that i briefly touch upon i think so
> 
> and if i haven't adequately tagged any triggers in the tags, please do tell me! i'd hate for my work to trigger anyone
> 
> um also i am not at all saying that dream is trans in any way i just. find comfort in trans/nb dream :')
> 
> anyway yes uh i hope u enjoy even tho it's not. shippy in any way (maybe subtle dreamnap but i wrote w platonic care in mind so take that as u will)

he knows he is clay. this is known. he knows, his friends know, his family knows.

this has been known since clay was a child, since he started wearing cargo shorts instead of frilly skirts, since he buzzed all his hair off at eight years old.

he knows he passes well, too. so, it's always a bit jarring on the days where his reflection in the mirror is. . . different.

bad different, he thinks.

face a little too feminine. chest a little too big. hair a little too long. (it's not just gender related, either, but that's a road that he never wants to go down again, so he focuses on the other bad, instead.)

he knows no one else sees it. no one ever does; it's just him.

it's harder now with someone else in the house at all times.

on those days, food is  bad  because god forbid he gains enough weight to make him buy new binders. (but sapnap always makes him eat anyway, even a little because he knows.) on those days, he can't stay in the bathroom all day, looking at his reflection trying to force his reflection back to what it usually is. (sapnap always makes him get out. partially because he needs the bathroom too, but also because he knows.)

(maybe it's harder because of sapnap, but he appreciates it once the bad has been sealed away again.)

he likes being pretty. but not pretty like this. this kind of pretty makes him feel ugly.

it's not like he's completely a man, either. man adjacent, at most. but he'd rather eat dirt than be a girl again.

(he always acts a bit different on the bad days. he knows people notice. tommy always calls him 'big man' and 'big d' more on the bad days. he never says anything, but he appreciates it.)

the bad days remind him of why he chose clay as his name. clay is pliable, able to be formed as the artist wants, full of possibility and potential. it's also difficult, stubborn. it takes work to mold clay into how one wants it, and the process takes time. sometimes, clay creations get messed up. their malleability goes both ways, after all.

he likes being reminded that he's still just as everchanging, even if the changes are less than okay. because he knows that he's still clay, and he'll be okay and beautiful in the way he wants on another day. the artistic process is never linear, after all.

clay is clay; beautiful, difficult, messy, malleable. he knows this.

he will always be clay. even when he's dream, he is still clay underneath all the masculinity and the loudness and the grandiosity. clay is dream. dream is clay.

he knows. dream knows. clay knows.

**Author's Note:**

> ty for reading :)
> 
> as always pls leave kudos and comments! i crave validation from strangers on the internet
> 
> also canon has broken me very much i will ignore it as much as i can lol
> 
> villain dream is so interesting but it rly does hurt seeing my comfort cc be a terrible person even tho it kind of just goes to show how good dream is at acting (we love a multi talented man)
> 
> anyway! yes um. i still have a tumblr @w8dz i am inactive as always but i'm always down for a quick chat lol
> 
> i am also on everskies dot com as ae7her if anyone wants to talk :)
> 
> goodbye i swear i'll write another dreamnap soon ly all <3333
> 
> (ALSO expect mentions of trans nb dream in future works bc i will insert it EVERY SINGLE TIME i can)


End file.
